picking up the pieces.

ok jut to warn you, (not that anybody even reads this but whatever), i have absolutely no idea what this post is even about. i am just so frustrated with things at the moment that i need to vent my feelings somewhere. i miss paris. i wasn't born there and have no relatives or people i know living in the city, but it is the place i belong. i went there nearly two year ago for less than a week and i fell in love with the place. paris is my constant and i seem to move home more than anybody i know and so it is the only place that actually feels like home to me.
tonight my family went around to the guys house that i like for dinner. i have been trying to distance myself but i physically can't due to our families being such good friends and it kills me every time i have to see him, knowing i cannot have him. i thought love was meant to be special and cherished, yet whenever i am involved, it is disappointing and leaves me feeling rejected.
i don't know what i want in life and that annoys me greatly. i am over people at the moment. i am over a lot. if you actually bothered reading that, sorry but i needed to tell somebody.